smokingrrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Too much information - read at own risk Well, I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to actually have sex again. Unfortunately, KV is having body issues again. I wish I could help her through them (no, not just for sex). I can't. I'm happy to find out that sex will be pain free for me from now on, from what sex was attempted tonight. Is this selfish? I would be hurt if she decided to masturbate after not being able to make love to me. She swears she'll tell me if it's something about me. And all she does is apologize when this happens. I hate that. I try explaining that it's not a big deal, because really it isn't. I try to tell her that if I want to have sex, and she doesn't want to, she can tell me. If we fool around, and she wants to keep limits on it, she should tell me. She can tell me. There is nothing worse than feeling like your forcing your lover to do something they don't want to. I will admit, it is frustrating. There seems to be more body issues now that she's no longer taking prozac. I wonder if she'd get the go ahead for SRS with the depression problems that she refuses to treat via medication. Yet, she cannot afford to do therapy. Tonight she started everything. This was after I mentioned that I missed my sex drive. I mean, I can get my libido surging a little bit if someone starts something and/or I think about it long enough. I'm not really sure how we can modify our sex life so that there isn't such a lack of, but she won't really help me with that. It gets to the point where I wonder if I'm repulsive. We get naked tonight, and yeah. I don't even want to think about that anymore. I think I'm sounding like a selfish bitch. I don't mean to. I should've taken that nap. Shae 2:04 am - Sunday, Jan. 30, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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