smokingrrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh FUCK! I don't want to quit school to work full-time, and I don't want to have to go to school only part-time considering I've worked so fucking hard to get where I am after my social phobia and depression went haywire on me. We can't have it all, though, can we? I just want to be able to go to school full-time and afford expenses, etc. I don't really know what I'm going to do. I'm trying not to think about it too much so I don't get sick (IBS), but that's a wee difficult to not think about. Hmm, how does being homeless sound? yeah. There's no room for me at my parents. I can't go anywhere else. Fuck. I at least have my rent paid through February, and then I can figure out how to budget even more with the financial aid I will receive. For a country that is so gung-ho on secondary education, and the need of it to get a good job -- why the fuck do they make it so difficult to get a good education? I don't get it. Then again, I don't understand why we don't have a national health care policy while big pharma and insurance agengies are bleeding us fucking dry. Seriously, moving to another country has crossed my mind more than a few times lately. Just to see if I could find a better life, which is sad, considering the life I have now is pretty damn awesome. A friend of mine has put me as power of attorney on their account. They owe me a lot of money. Is it in bad form to go to the bank to see what their balance is, and withdraw what I am owed? It probably is. I should at least give fair warning first. Fuck. God damn. None of this would be a problem had I been able to work while under treatment for my social phobia. It's my own fucking fault. And of course I'm on a lot of medications for a 25 year old, all of which I need to fucking FUNCTION. But does any of that count? Of course not. Not in this country of greed. How am I supposed to pull up my boot straps if I don't have great boots, let alone straps on them?! What about the people who can't even afford the fucking boots in the first place? It seems they are increasing in number, and the government doesn't give a good god damn. Too busy fighting for oil in Iraq, and planning the next war. I'm going to be pissed if the FBI shows up now at my door to question me about my post. Cripes, it really wouldn't surprise me. Big Brother watches ever closer now. Fuck. I just want to go to school and live my life. 2:38 am - Tuesday, Jan. 18, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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