smokingrrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- big sigh Jessica. What a fucking whiney bitch. She's bit off way more than she can chew as far as school goes, and instead of taking responsiblity for anything, she blames everyone else. I swear, if she stubbed her toe she would blame it on the piece of furniture instead of admitting she was a klutz. This is the kind of person she is. For whatever reasons I can't seem to get any energy going for me, so I am tired as hell, and then add all the complications of school. Hey, it's my own fault. I'm not getting enough sleep, and I'm pushing myself too hard. One thing I need to work on is ending the isolation that I feel with my friends. For whatever reasons, I feel as though I am losing them in some sort of way. It's like they are within reach -- yet I can't grab their hands, and they slip away. I really can't explain it any further than that, because that's the only way I know how to explain it. I feel as though any sense of closeness I had with them all is going out the window for whatever reasons. It pains me greatly, and yet I have no idea how to fix it. I was hoping that by going to the bar it would help -- but it doesn't. Besides, I don't even like going to the bar anymore. It's the same ol' people, music, scene, etc. I watch a bunch of people get so drunk they can't even walk, etc. Same as it's always been. There's got to be another way. Not just Friday night Mixed Fruit, because even that makes me feel as though it's not enough. I need the officer meeting time and organizational meeting time to work on homework, etc. especially when I get a job. So that won't work either. By the time anything seems free, I am exhuasted. So, what do I do to remedy everything? For now I seem to be subconsciously isolating myself from the more people that I can. This doesn't help my predicament in the least. Ah well. I know I've been stressed out due to financial issues. There's no point to this post. -end- 5:23 am - Wednesday, Apr. 06, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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