smokingrrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- More from clonazepam Since axienty got the best of me today, I popped a clonazepam. Now I'm all loose lips McGee over here. I got "undoing gender" (book) and "Ferngully: the last rainforest" (DVD) for easter. I feel so lucky! Especially knowing that my mom and dad don't have that many financial resources, that I would get both of those things, when I basically told my mom to pick one and surprise me. I talked to Pat (tattoo artist) via text message tonight. He still works at the shop Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. He said I should come in and tell him some stories. I would never cheat on KV. Although seeing Tom was really nice this weekend. Just a glimpse of him reminded me of why I went out of my way to bed him way back when. Somehow I can't help but think that KV's asexuality will go out the door once she's not with me anymore, and with a new girl. It's my low self-esteem talking of course. Going to the bar on Friday, and then hanging out with Karl, Ry, and Robyn on Saturday made me feel really good. I felt like I was reparing a bond that I felt I had lost with them long ago. I miss out on a lot of things, I think, because I don't go out to the bars on the weekends (mainly because I don't feel like going). Here I was looking forward to seeing my girlfriend again after a week, being able to snuggle, and I guess not. It would've been nice to know these things. I love her immensely, but damn. Sometimes I wonder what she thinks of me. Again, low self-esteem and a clonazepam. It would be rad to have someone think I was attractive. It would be even radder if they thought I was emotionally as well as physically attractive. *sigh* Am I turning into one of those people who feels like they should just get what they can and shut up? I need some romance. I need to feel desired. I wonder if that's possible at this point. I have so much to offer, that right now I am wondering if KV even realizes it. Would she be happier without me? I go back and forth tonight, with my low self-esteem battle, wondering if she's using me for a safe place to transition. Last time I brought this up she got majorally huffy and said that hse enjoys my company, that's why she's here. I guess I'm just lonely. -end patheticness- 10:12 pm - Sunday, Mar. 27, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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